New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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