I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
