Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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