I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dear god my vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
