Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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