she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
