I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
