the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
