You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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