what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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