i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
