The maid of honor just puked.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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