I CAN MOONWALK!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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