I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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