I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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