I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had to cum in my sink.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
