Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize