morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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