why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
