I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
