Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
