every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never joke about your clitoris.
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