He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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