I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
4 words: hood of his car
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We had to coat check the pizza.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
