went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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