It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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