The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
