ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is my gift to your gina
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
