Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
