I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
