I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
