I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
