I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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