Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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