Im at strip club and am horny
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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