69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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