Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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