I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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