Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
