I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
