He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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