...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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