dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
