another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
