Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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