it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
