no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
