2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
