I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
