Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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