thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
