i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
