talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
