By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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