you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
