why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
