Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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