you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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