dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
