if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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