I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
