I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
