first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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