Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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