Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize