whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
