didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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