I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
