Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
