Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
