Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
